The Difference Between Understanding Behavior and Excusing Harm 

Coffee and open book by rain-streaked window


For some people, mistreatment doesn’t register, at least at first, as mistreatment. 

It registers more subtly as a tone shift. 
A short reply. 
Something you feel but can’t quite place. 

So your mind reaches to fill in the gap. 

“Maybe they’re having a bad morning.” 
“Maybe I missed something.” 
“Was it that email I haven’t answered yet?” 

That feels unreasonable. 
But still. 

You wonder if you’re reading too much into it. You don’t want to be reactive, so you try to understand the other person’s perspective. 

You analyze and contextualize until the behavior makes sense. 

And once it makes sense, the emotional edge comes off. 

You think of this as emotional maturity. Or as being “easygoing.” But the doubt never fully leaves, and the sting never fully gets resolved, only managed. 

And the question that you’re left with isn’t “Why am I being treated this way?” 

It’s “Why is it so hard to tell whether I’m really being mistreated…or whether I’m just too sensitive?” 

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